Becoming a Mom After 40: The Perfect-ish Surprise

I used to push my Cabbage Patch dolls around the neighborhood in a tiny stroller. Not because I had some deep knowing I’d be a mom one day—I wasn’t that kid—but because just assumed it would happen.

But like many midlife motherhood stories, life had other plans.

In college, I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, and doctors told me that natural pregnancy probably wouldn’t happen. And that quietly reshaped my future, planted deep in the background, influencing how I thought about motherhood—even when I wasn’t consciously aware of it. I didn’t meet the right partner, and maybe I didn’t try hard enough. A part of me had already decided it just wouldn’t happen.

Years later, I moved to Israel with the dream of becoming a mom. Israel is known for its leadership in fertility treatments and IVF, and I figured I’d go it alone. That didn’t work out either.

It was a winding road—one I may share more about someday—but eventually, Adam and I started our family in 2021. I was 41.

Since then, I’ve had three children after 40—at 41, 43, and yes, 45. I never expected to have a newborn in my mid-40s or to be doing daycare pickups while being mistaken for someone’s grandmother. (True story: I’ve been called Savta (grandma) more than once. Adam? Only twice was he called Saba (grandpa). Go figure.

It’s not what I imagined. But it’s perfect-ish for us.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Parenting after 40 comes with unique challenges. I’m tired. My body hurts in ways it didn’t in my 20s. Sometimes I look around at the younger moms at daycare and realize—I could actually be their mother. But I also see what I’ve gained.

I have more patience now. I don’t get pulled into the toddler drama Olympics. I try to see my kids as whole people—with their own temperaments, their own stories. I want to protect them, yes, but more than that, I want them to be resilient. Strong. Kind.

And I’m definitely sillier than I would’ve been in my 20s or 30s. I’ll sing the songs, wear the ridiculous hats, do the voices. No shame. No performance. Just fun.

I do have my non-negotiables though—bike helmets, for one. That line is firm. But in general I try to be more open and laid-back.  

Sometimes I do catch myself judging the younger parents, but I try not to. We’re all doing our best to raise good humans. We just do it differently.

I didn’t plan to be a first-time mom in my 40s. But now that I’m here, I can’t picture life any other way. I want to live to 120, soaking up every moment of this wild, unexpected ride. And maybe—just maybe—get to be a real grandma someday.

Whether the world thinks I already am or not.